Reality of Porn

Last week in class we had several discussions relating to the theme of pornography, and how it might affect society. These discussions got me thinking about how porn can miscue views of sexual reality and expectations. First of all, I’m not against the idea of porn. I believe that porn is a way for sexual expression and an aid to masturbation. However, I do have issues with mainstream porn and its effect on our intimacy and enjoyment of real sex.

Expectations of Appearance 

I believe that porn portrays unrealistic expectations of appearance, specifically men’s and women’s genitals. Porn does not show much diversity in genital appearance. Women in porn generally have a symmetrical vagina with little to no pubic hair and large, fake breasts with perfectly round nipples.

Real vaginas have variation in terms of color, pubic hair, shape and size. In most mainstream porn it’s difficult to find a woman with any pubic hair whatsoever. Real breasts also come in all shapes and sizes. And none of this is abnormal. But the unrealistic standards about bodies shown in porn can lead to women feeling like their bodies are abnormal which can then lead to breast implants or shaving. There's nothing wrong with a woman who wants to take these actions as long as it makes her happy. But the pressure to conform to this hairless and “sexy” ideal can be harmful to helpless individuals and can make for less enjoyable sex.

Porn also misrepresents our views of male bodies. It often portrays men with a penis size of 6-10 inches. The true average erect penis size ranges anywhere from 4.7-6.3 inches, according to Markus MacGill from medicalnewstoday.com. This can lead to misconception about sexual ability being associated with penis size. This misconception creates the mistaken belief that a big penis makes you more masculine. Through porn, men are made to feel insufficient and helpless by something they have absolutely no control over. Men also face similar problems about shaving pubic hair as smooth hairless bodies are seen as attractive. 

Expectations of Performance

Porn portrays unrealistic expectations of sexual performance. For many people, porn is their only sex-education lesson and their first encounter with sex before the real thing. Sex is intimidating, so curiosity is natural. But porn has a problem: it’s not a reflection of real sex, but on the other hand it still changes real sexual expectations. 

In mainstream porn men can usually last for hours. This is not a realistic expectation for males in real world sex. Viagra and sexual enhancements create this illusion of how long men last in porn. Ultimately, this affects how men view their sexual performance in the real world. Porn also shows a lot of non-mainstream sexual positions, and also creates unreasonable sexual expectations. Porn shouldn’t dictate what's considered normal in sex. People shouldn't have to partake in any sexual activity they feel uncomfortable with. 

Artifact

 

Above is a creative video that uses sexual statistics and food to illustrate the difference between porn sex and real sex.  Although a little disturbing in my opinion, the food references are on point. The video did not make me hungry, but it did make me think about the type of real sex expectations we have due to porn culture. 

Being a college male, naturally I am immersed in sexual talk and conversations. My friends often bring up things that bug them about their partner's sexual performance. "He doesn't last long enough", "She won't give blowjobs", "I wish she would shave down there", "She's unwilling to have a threesome", "If only he had a bigger penis", etc. You get the gist. I can't help but think about how pornography may have created these abnormal sexual expectations and furthermore created a less intimate relationship.

Mainstream pornography often portrays women as sexual objects and as passive recipients of degrading and violent acts by men. The use of pornography by young boys and men is also placing unrealistic expectations of both women and men during real sex. This is pressuring women to consent to acts that are degrading, and is taking away the enjoyment and intimacy of natural sexual experience. 

Question

Porn has broken into our mainstream culture including advertising, music videos, fashion, toys, billboards, magazines and TV shows. It is harming the development of young boys and girls and men and women everywhere. I believe we need to create healthier media surrounding sex in our culture, rather than encouraging and supporting the sexual misconceptions and stereotypes in mainstream pornography.

How can we create healthier sexual media that is not harming to our capacity for intimacy and enjoyment of sex?

The first thing we can do is attempt to block negative sexual media from young boys and girls. I don't think this would be a very effective method because curious people will find a way to view porn and sexual media through the many forms of technology readily available in this day and age. Maybe eventually our culture will start blocking porn, but it's unlikely.

The more realistic and useful approach would be to discuss the difference of pornography and real intimacy in sex-education classes. If kids are immersed in discussion and education about the unreasonable sexual expectations pornography can create, they will better understand the difference between real sex and porn by the time they are adults. By showing porn to children at a young age and explaining the implications it has on our intimacy, they are less likely to be so curious. 

Parents can also include this discussion in "sex talks" with their children. The most important thing is discussing the implications the porn industry has on our intimacy as a whole. Starting the discussion is better than not talking about it at all and letting kids find out on their own. Porn is a sensitive subject, but the only way we can create healthier media and no longer harm our enjoyment of real sex is through discussion.

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