"Promiscuous", a Double Standard

Last week in class we had a short discussion about how men and women are portrayed for "sleeping around" or hooking up with many people. This discussion made me think about how I talk to my friends about this subject. Additionally, it made me think about how the media affects this portrayal.

I feel that there’s a major double standard when it comes to men and women being promiscuous. Much of the time, a guy who sleeps with many women is considered to be “the man” or a "pimp", while a woman who sleeps with a lot of men is considered to be a "whore." There are some cases where a promiscuous male is labeled a "man-whore," but I tend to hear positive associations more so than the negatives. While on the other hand, a promiscuous female is almost always labeled a "whore" or a "slut" (negative associations). It seems unfair that each sex can do the same exact act, yet each is labeled differently, which constructs complete opposite effects on their reputation.

I think the main reason this double standard is present is because men are typically "easy." This concept doesn't apply to all men, but certainly a lot of them. For many women, it's not too difficult to find a guy who would be willing to sleep with her. I've noticed that there are few men that would turn a woman down on such an offer. On the other hand, a man will dedicate huge portions of his time for the chance to sleep with just about any woman that will permit him to. Basically, women have more choices when it comes to choosing a sexual partner than men do.

Many men have a challenge finding a sexual partner, while women don't have as much trouble. Now this doesn't apply for all men or all women, but typically women have the luxury of being picky, while guys pretty much take whatever they can get. So when a woman doesn’t discriminate amongst who she’s sleeping with, she’s abusing her power of choice. Anyone who abuses a power is looked at negatively. On the other hand, when a man manages to sleep with a whole bunch of different women while others are struggling to sleep with just one, it makes him look talented. Therefore he is labeled "the man."

Here's a hypothetical example of how this double standard works: If several men are out fishing for a day, and only one of them catches a fish, that guy is considered to be very lucky or gifted. But if a woman orders nearly everything on the menu at a restaurant, she’s considered to be a pig. We tend to root for the underdog, and don't want to see the champion continue to win against easy opponents, because that gets old fast.

 

"Loyal," a popular song and music video (shown above) by Chris Brown (featuring Lil Wayne and others) labels women as "hoes" and "bitches." This song is an example shown in the media of the promiscuous double standard. In the video, Chris Brown and others are shown dancing with multiple women, while throwing up gang signs and acting like fools. The song and video essentially portray these men as "pimps", "the man," or whichever positive association you choose. Basically, it's telling men that it is okay to be with multiple women, sleep around, and be promiscuous. On the other hand, the chorus of the song, "these hoes ain't loyal," is telling women they're worthless "hoes" for sleeping with other men (a negative association).

"Loyal" is a horribly misogynistic song, yet it's still played on the radio several times a day. It's the type of song that you feel guilty for singing along to, despite the catchy tune. Not only does Chris Brown repeatedly imply that women are not to be trusted, but he also drops the line "just got rich, took a broke n****'s bitch." So apparently when a women cheats on another man with Chris Brown than he holds no responsibility, and she is at fault for being an unloyal "hoe." Chris Brown is encouraging women to cheat, and still calling them "bitches" for doing so. 

What has the world come to? This song is absolutely disgusting and a direct result of what this double standard has done in hip hop culture and media. Song's like this should be banned, and certainly never to be played on the radio. "Loyal" and several other popular songs on the radio and YouTube are certainly a step backwards in reaching the goal of gender equality.

So promiscuous men are accepted in society and sometimes encouraged, while promiscuous women are degraded, yet sometimes encouraged as well. How can we change this double standard so that the act of "sleeping around" is the seen the same for men and women?  

One solution to this problem would be for all women to be promiscuous, that way men won’t be so impressed with each other every time they sleep with one. This is problematic though because humans would lose self dignity, and STD rates would increase. I suppose on the other hand, men could stop being so "easy" and desperate to find a sexual partner every Friday and Saturday night. But we all know men aren't going to change their behavior. 

Somehow we all need to work together, to ensure that promiscuous human beings are portrayed in similar context, whether you're a man, woman or other. The same act of "sleeping around" shouldn't make one person feel like a saint and another depressed. Another possible solution would be to start a petition, to ban all media that portrays gender reputation differences for sexual acts. Songs like Chris Brown's "Loyal", several other hip hop songs, television and internet content should all be censored and gender equal. I'm not sure if this is even possible, since we live in a country that allows freedom of speech and content. 

In conclusion, despite gender and cultural differences, we all must make a stand to stop this double standard for men and women who "sleep around." Another interesting topic worth further investigation would be how promiscuous gay men and women are portrayed differently socially and in the media.

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